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The top 10 signs you didn't stay at a Holiday Inn last night
In the restaurant, the waiter recommended the "road kill special."
Instead of plush bath robes, hazmat suits.
Their guarantee: During your stay, if you're bitten by any animal weighing 2 pounds or more, you sleep free!
You couldn’t rinse the shampoo from your hair because you ran out of quarters.
The website said complimentary "business center," but as you checked in you learned that it meant a "shared bathroom."
As you showered, the water changed colors.
The hotel sign boasted "Color TV."
The only Wi-Fi connection you could find was named "Free Viruses Here."
Your wake-up call was police sirens.
Their version of a sleep number bed was an air mattress and a hand pump.
You woke up covered in guano.
The art in the lobby was a chalk outline drawn by a detective.
Instead of a room key, you were given a padlock.
There was complimentary soap, shampoo, and cream for Athlete's Foot.
The hot tub bubbles were created by a fat, hairy guy named Moe.
The air conditioning in your room sounded a lot like a Boeing 747 with twin GE90-77B engines, additional fuel capacity, and the TY220 extended fuselage.
You woke up at 3:00 am. Then 3:05 am. 3:13 am.
At check-in, you were fingerprinted.
When you went to your room after breakfast, you caught the cleaning lady trying on your clothes.
Badgers.
The sign above the front desk: As seen on "Cops."
Instead of a mint on your pillow, there was a wet cough drop.
There was a sign on the wall that said, "Don’t feed the animals."
At check-in, you had to sign a liability waiver.
NASCAR sheets.
The only "Four Stars" you saw were through a crack in the ceiling.
The room door only locked from the outside.
The colorful patterns on the sheets had biological origins.
You saw a maintenance crew using a pool net to remove a live trout from the swimming pool.
You asked the front desk for a towel, and they said "Sorry, it's being used."
Instead of counting sheep, you counted roaches.
When you asked for the swimming pool, they showed you a pond out back.
They offered complimentary Wi-Fi, available in the lobby of the hotel next door.
There was police tape around the breakfast buffet.
All the windows have bars on them.
The workout center was the playground of the elementary school next door.
The complimentary breakfast buffet was animal crackers and Taco Bell hot sauce.
The morning news featured your car and the valet in a high-speed chase.
The only vacancy was room #666 on the 13th floor.
To watch TV you had to adjust the rabbit ears.
The creepy desk clerk gave you a candle to help you find your room.
You were gently serenaded to sleep by an ensemble of crickets on your nightstand.
You got mugged and robbed on the way to your room.
The hotel was recently featured on "To Catch A Predator."
After being upgraded to the “Starry Night Suite,” they gave you a sleeping bag and pointed you toward the roof.
No police surveillance is listed as a benefit on the marquee.
The thought "I should have just slept in my car" kept you awake all night.
Two words: mosquito netting.
Instead of bath towels, paper towels.
The security system was a baseball bat near the door.